2014 a Time for Reflection

Well, today is January 1. Its the first day of the new year and social media is a buzz with everyone's positive outlook on the coming year. We all know that that will quickly change into everyone complaining about gaining weight because they are skipping the gym to go drink margaritas. We will also see the continued political garbage of one side making up lies about the other and it being shoved down our throats through the various "news" outlets. So I figured this would be a great time for me to reflect on my life this past year as I am turning the ripe age of 27 tomorrow. Golly!

Thinking back to my life at age 21 I am finding little I can compare to my life now. Had you told my 21 year old self that by the time I was 27, I would be married to my boyfriend who had more commitment issues than I did, have 2 kids, no social life, staying at home, making home cooked meals daily, and be washing diapers, I would have laughed you out of the room. At 21, I was working for a company that profited off of my perky boobs, I was going to the bar every night after my bar tending shift ended,  I lived in a bikini, my phone was going off constantly with the texts from people inviting me to do things. I slept in until noon and went to bed at 6 am. I drank bottles of liquor with little remorse. I wore short skirts and my toned mid drift often was part of my fashion choices. I cut and dyed my hair on a whim and ate restaurant food pretty much every meal of the day. I went clothes shopping monthly and got pedicures. I cussed like a sailor and the only real commitment I had was to my dog! 

Now at 27, I am married to a guy who I thought for certain was just going to be another one of my flings. He is though, one of the very few things that is the same from 6 years ago. (My dog is still in this category though she is old, gray and had arthritis). I go weeks without talking to people outside of my immediate family. I no longer work as I spend my days nurturing the future people my kids will someday become. I cook everyday. And usually 3 meals a day which actually sometimes involves me cooking 2 completely different meals at once. I shake poop out of cloth diapers that I will later wash. My boobs, well they are no longer perky, but they have fed 2 boys and kept them healthy and strong. I do not remember the last time I even walked into a bar or drank something other than a glass of wine or a beer. I am contemplating the appropriateness of my future in a bikini. I have lost all the weight I gained through 2 pregnancies and my stretch marks are limited to a few on my hips that would be very hard to notice. My wonder comes from, do I want to be that mom in a bikini or should I find a happy place in a one piece because I am a mom. I am so undecided...good thing I don't have any immediate plans that involve swimming! My phone, pathetic thing, goes weeks without making a sound other than the daily alarm reminding me to take my birth control. Sleeping in is impossible and staying up past 10 is a chore. More than 2 glasses of wine would have me in bed for an entire day. I don't buy clothes for myself anymore. I wait until Christmas or my birthday and hope someone finds something they think I would look good in. My mom is also really good about sending me her finds from TJ Maxx that she ends up not keeping. My feet are calloused from my need to wear shoes as little as possible (a habit my oldest has proudly picked up). My cuss words have morphed from "shit" to "shucks" from "damn" to "darn." My hair is all natural, one length,  and practical. 

Some may read this and think I have let myself go or I am lazy or I have become a recluse. To which I would have to disagree. Sure I can't drink like I did and maybe my fashion has been put on a back burner, but my heart is bigger and I am happier. My life at 27, has given me a love I could not even come close to describing, a bigger appreciation for the environment and the world I will leave behind for my children. My life at 27, has brought a calming madness to my daily life though the screaming, crying, mountains of laundry, and endless butt wiping. I have gained compassion, knowledge, skills and ambition that only a parent is capable of. I have maintained my lifelong friends and passed through the time of those who were only there for a purpose. I can coupon clip when needed, I make a meal out of a bare cupboard. I can kiss a boo-boo and end tears. I can move worlds for my children. 

When I look back at my life at age 21, I think, if only I would have had a clue what a beautiful thing my life would have shortly become, maybe, I would have appreciated the change more as it was happening. Maybe I would have been able to see the beauty in the madness sooner.